Last Tuesday was Valentine’s Day; the annual celebration of love and romance. The next day (February 15th) is recognized as Single Awareness Day; the fateful day for singles to lament the fact that they spent February 14 alone.
Being single on Valentine’s Day is nothing new for me (I’ve been single for 23 Valentine’s days in a row 🙂 ) so I do not feel despair or a distaste for the Hallmark holiday. This year I consider the fact that I spent Valentine’s Day without a Valentine and I actually feel… happy.Because I did not have a “Special Someone” to celebrate and spoil on Valentine’s Day I didn’t have to worry about finding (or receiving) the perfect gift, going on the perfect date, writing the perfect social media post, or really anything that the posts on Facebook and Instagram seem to say the holiday is all about. I had a cold on Valentine’s Day and worked for eight hours like any normal Tuesday. I spent the evening in my robe and sweatpants watching Jane the Virgin, surrounded by snotty tissues, drinking ginger tea with apple cider vinegar and wrapped up in blankets so I could sweat out the cold. Hot, I know.
But I enjoyed myself. I was able to do what I wanted to do, watch what I wanted to watch, and look terrible without worrying about another person that society says must spend February 14th by my side. I found myself actually telling God how grateful I am for His timing and the fact that I spent yet another Valentine’s Day without a Valentine.
Why I Am Happy To Be Single
I think (no, I know) that society focuses way too much on relationships and finding the perfect partner. Even in the church community it is often seen as weird if you are not dating or married by a certain age. At 23, I believe I am finally at the point where I am okay with my relationship status. I know that my relationships status does not dictate my worth. Being content with my singleness doesn’t even mean that I never want to get married someday. I really hope I do but I am not going to let that be the main focus of my life. Especially not right now. At least for a little while longer, I know it is best for me to remain single.
Me being single means I have the opportunity to focus on strengthening my relationship with Christ. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says that the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord while the married woman cares about the things of the world and how she may please her husband.
A lot of times people in relationships are more focused on each other and making the other happy. That usually doesn’t leave them with as much time and energy to focus on Christ as they might have had if they were not in a relationship. I want to use the opportunity I have to grow more in my relationship with Christ before I add another strand to this cord.
Another opportunity I have while I am single is time to work on myself. I just graduated culinary school in December. In 2015, I completed my B.A. In 2011, I graduated high school, and so on. I have lived the majority of my 23 years as a student and although I am ashamed to admit it, I often found my identity in that. I was always a good student and often staked my worth on how good my grades were. I was the kid who was less than ecstatic to be on stage receiving her AB Honor Roll award rather than her usual A Honor Roll. My constant striving for perfection wouldn’t even let me be satisfied with a perfect score sometimes because somehow I knew I could have done better.
Because I have transitioned from “student” to “adult”, I need to focus on finding my identity and worth in Christ. I need time to try to shed the negative aspects of my perfectionism before finding someone else on which to turn my critical eye.
There are many other issues that I know I need to work on that would not be wise to bring into a relationship. Of course I know they are issues that I will have to constantlyy battle and revisit, even within a relationship. But it is nice to have an opportunity to recognize them and work on them before adding someone else’s issues to my pile.
Relationships are nice and it is fine to desire them but a significant other cannot save me from my flaws and insecurities. There is only one Person I can depend on for that.
I am not ready for a relationship at this point in my life and I am so relieved to be able to realize that and admit it while I am single rather than in a relationship that I do not need right now. I enjoy being single and can look back on the past few years and have a good idea why God has not opened that door for me. He truly knows what is best for me and I’m happy I can see His work in my life and appreciate it.
So even if my relationship status changes by next Valentine’s Day, doesn’t change for the next 10 years, or never changes, I am learning to be content and make the most of where I am in life.