My blog turned a year old yesterday. This year hasn’t happened quite the way I planned, but that’s life, isn’t it? This time last year if you would have asked where I saw myself in a year, I would have described something completely different than where I am today. I planned to have published two or more posts a month on this blog. I would have just graduated in September, maybe even attending my college’s commencement ceremony in New Jersey. I would have a regular babysitting or nanny job(s) with a consistent and reliable source of income that I could use to start my baking business. I would even have began selling decorated cakes and cupcakes for birthday parties and other events. Instead, I haven’t posted anything on this blog since January. I still have 27 credits left of my Senior Year and have to re-enroll to complete my degree. I babysit about once every two to three months and do not have a regular source of income. The most progress I’ve made on my baking business is brainstorming a name and ideas for a logo. Life certainly doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes I feel that no matter how hard I try, I continue to progress with one step forward and two steps back. I tend to set expectations for myself that are too high to reach. However, when I don’t reach them (which is most of the time) I feel discouraged. More than that, I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like I am not ‘good enough’. Surprisingly, I was able to relate to the main character of Mom’s Night Out “Good enough for who?” A male character had asked. The mom proceeded to name all the people she thought she was failing, a list that included her husband, her children, and God. The guy helped her see that the only person who didn’t think she was good enough was herself. He reminded us how much God loves her and is proud of who she is, not the impossibly perfect image she was trying to obtain. Even though I’m not a mom, that spoke to me. At times, I try so hard to be the perfect student, daughter, sister, church member, etc. only to fall short of an unattainable illusion.
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:38-39 (NKJV)
God loves me just the way I am. He will not love me any more if I graduate tomorrow with a 4.0 GPA (not going to happen) or if I start a multi-million dollar baking business with dessert trucks and storefronts around the world (also not going to happen). He doesn’t love me any differently when I stay up past midnight and wake up only two minutes before breakfast :0 or when I spend more time on a course than planned because I’m having trouble grasping the concepts. If God loves me in spite of my perfections, than I need to learn to love myself too. Although I cannot reach perfection, I should not give up on trying to do and be better. One of my goals for this next year (after posting more often and consistently!) is to learn to be more accepting of myself and my mistakes. I am not perfect and should not expect myself to be. I have several goals that I need to work toward, but I will try my best to make them realistic and attainable. If I do not reach my goals within the time limit I set, I will re-evaluate my plan and progress and try to improve instead of becoming discouraged. All of that begins with me drawing closer to the One who created me. The One who loves me in spite of my shortcomings. Improving and strengthening my relationship with Him will help me make this next year better than the last.